As we enter the winter holidays, Iā€™m reflecting on my emotional journey this year. Iā€™ve posted the usual ā€œgreat work this year, teamā€ posts on social media, but I feel compelled to write something more. Something different. Something about the emotions Iā€™ve felt and processed this year. Four things together have created a very challenging environment for me this year:

We live in a time of aggressive preferential attachment

Itā€™s well known that success attracts more success. This effect has always been strong for all networks, whether of people or companies. I think the information age has massively accelerated this. Investors want to pile into the hottest companies. Customers tend to trust products that many others already use. Talent wants to join companies that look like winners. The media covers what is already visible. Most people are excited about knowing famous people. More is more. Something about this mentality is exhausting. Itā€™s so hype driven and superficial. I get why it happens, and Iā€™m realistic about how the world works. Itā€™s just so punishing. It really amplifies differentials.

We live in an attention economy

The most powerful way to kick-start preferential attachment is to get attention. We have never had access to this much information about people and companies. Everyone posts everything to get attention, myself included. We are constantly exposed to other peopleā€™s achievements. We work so hard to present our best selves everywhere. As a founder, you are told that everything depends on getting noticed. Attention is ā€œdistributionā€ for ideas, and distribution is key. At the same time, we know just as little about what is in the minds of others as ever, which is almost nothing. We donā€™t know about the mess inside supposedly successful companies. We think itā€™s all smooth sailing over there. We have no idea who is happy or not, who feels fulfilled or not, or what works and what doesnā€™t. There is no incentive to be vulnerable, so everyone works hard to look successful. And it makes us all feel worried we are missing out.

We live in a complex and unpredictable world

In the last eight years since founding Kognic, weā€™ve navigated a zero-interest-fueled startup bull market, the COVID lockdown, a supply chain crisis, the war in Ukraine and the war in Israel, the return of Donald Trump, rapidly escalating trade wars, all post-WWII alliances being tested, Elon Musk and Silicon Valley getting into politics, the rapid rise of AI and, lately, China stepping onto the center stage of technology. Iā€™m sure every generation feels that the world is more unpredictable than ever. Just think about Nixon, the war in Vietnam, the 1968 protests, the dotcom bubble, the oil crisis, orā€¦ But that doesnā€™t change the fact that the time we live in now feels demanding and challenging to forecast. The word ā€œpolycrisisā€ is increasingly used.

I became a father of two

Getting children changes everything, whether you like it or not. Iā€™m an introvert workaholic who struggles with loud noises. I need a lot of quiet time to myself to maintain my mental health. And I love to read and think deeply. Letā€™s just say thatā€™s not a great match with small children. On top of that, life as a founder and CEO of a growing company demands significant time and effort. In my bubble, everyone talks about cracked engineers working 996 to build trillion-dollar companies. Iā€™m mostly inspired by that, and I love working hard, but right now I just canā€™t. Or rather, my effort is needed outside of work. Between 5 AM and 8 AM, I start the day with my kids. We argue about tooth brushing, try to get dressed, figure out what is an acceptable breakfast on this particular day, try to get moving to kindergarten on time, and so forth. Then from 5 PM to 8 PM, we do it all again in reverse. Between 8 PM and 10 PM is the only time during the day my wife and I can take care of things around the house, plan grocery shopping, go over schedules, etc. And then we need to sleep. Sustainably getting more quality work in during a day like that is hard.

Itā€™s because of all of this that I feel compelled to write something about my emotional journey. Maybe to cope. Maybe to relieve some of the pressure. Maybe to make it a little bit easier for someone out there.

One word sums up my emotional state during 2025. Iā€™ve been feeling:

Insufficient

Weā€™ve all felt this way at some point. We all want to be good enough. To live up to expectations. Humans need recognition and love. Whatā€™s different right now, at least for me, is that my feeling of being insufficient never stops. It doesnā€™t even take a break. If anything, itā€™s getting stronger. Maybe itā€™s having kids. Maybe itā€™s all the challenges our company has faced this year. Maybe itā€™s the world getting more complex. Maybe itā€™s the looming presence of war. I donā€™t know.

Whatever the reason, itā€™s fucking exhausting.

And, for some strange reason, I feel bad for feeling insufficient and exhausted. My instinct is just to suck it up. I subscribe to the idea that my life is the consequence of my actions, so I canā€™t really blame anyone for feeling this way. And I donā€™t. I also know Iā€™m privileged and that I ā€œhave it allā€ by some standards. And maybe thatā€™s why I want to share that I, too, feel insufficient. I donā€™t think this feeling goes away, no matter how much success, fame, or material possessions you have. There is always a taller mountain to climb. Another role model to catch up with. Another mission. Maybe the point isnā€™t even for this feeling to go away. I think if I werenā€™t exhausted, Iā€™d feel understimulated. And if I didnā€™t feel insufficient, I guess I wouldnā€™t be trying hard enough.

Maybe, instead, the solution is to learn to be kinder to ourselves. Maybe feeling overwhelmed isnā€™t a sign of weakness or limited capacity, but instead feedback to slow down a bit. Maybe that voice in your head that goes ā€œbut if I slow down, I wonā€™t winā€ šŸ˜± should actually just fuck off for a while. Maybe ā€œwinningā€ is feeling happy, too. Maybe those who feel happy end up the real winners. Here are some ways to think about things that Iā€™ve come up with:

  • Always play the long game. One of the simplest life-hacks Iā€™ve found is to think longer-term than everyone else. When faced with a choice, ask yourself: whatā€™s the best long-term decision here? That frequently makes it easier for me to relax. It makes me realize that itā€™s not as urgent as it feels. When I go for a long-distance run, Iā€™ve learned to pace myself. I canā€™t sprint for the first 5km if my goal is to get a good time on 20km. The same is true in all aspects of life.

  • Remember that life is pretty random. Success isnā€™t only a function of effort. Itā€™s also luck and timing. No matter how hard you work, some will get rewarded more for their work. They will launch a product and get more users faster, and a big chunk of their success is a matter of luck. Life isnā€™t fair. Some people are hailed as geniuses regardless of the actual skill involved. Thatā€™s OK. The sooner you accept that life isnā€™t fair, the happier you will be.

  • Explicitly state your goals. I want to be a parent. I want to care for my family. When Iā€™m old, I want to be surrounded by kids and grandkids. Yes, it sometimes sucks now, but for most of my life, my kids will be grown-ups. And there are lovely moments now, too.

  • Recognize that capacity varies over time. During the day, during the week, during the year, during your life. If you canā€™t resist comparing with others, at least remind yourself that everyone has different circumstances. I was all in at work for years in my 20s, and I expect to be back in that mode in my 40s, but for the past few years, I have chosen to be a parent.

  • Stay focused. Iā€™m trying to protect one ā€œlaneā€ of work, rather than taking on too many things. Itā€™s hard, and it gets harder as more and more people try to pull me into things. Itā€™s nice to be in demand, and saying yes rewards my ego. But it also dilutes me, and adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Iā€™d rather do fewer things better than too many things. Fight your fear of missing out.

  • Allow yourself to really recover. Donā€™t half-ass it. Disconnect. Delete apps if you have to. Log out. Walk in the woods. Check into a spa. Cook. Paint. Listen to music. Do whatever you enjoy in life, and shut out the noise. For me, it takes three or four days just to unwind. And probably at least ten days to actually feel recovered. Nature is my best medicine for feeling overwhelmed. Hiking or running through the forest grounds me, and reminds me of how small and insignificant I am. I find that liberating and relaxing.

  • Reduce the risk of excessive comparison. Iā€™ve gradually left all social media except LinkedIn. The less I know about random peopleā€™s lives, the better. I also have an app that locks LinkedIn for most of the day when Iā€™m on vacation, so I canā€™t idle-scroll. I want to keep track of my loved ones and my friends, and thatā€™s best done in person. No Instagram, no TikTok, no Snapchat. Delete it all.

I donā€™t really have any grand conclusions. This is just how this year has felt for me. I donā€™t think feeling insufficient is something we can get rid of, and Iā€™m not sure exhaustion necessarily means Iā€™m doing something wrong. But I do believe the story we tell ourselves matters. Do yourself a favor and make it a kind story. For me, the story right now is that I have clear goals, that I need focus on conserving energy, and that I need to take time to really recover.

I hope you allow yourself to slow down a little over the holidays. šŸŽ…šŸ¼